New research suggests that if one stops for a moment and accepts their imperfections they could live healthier lives, reduce depression and anxiety, while increasing overall happiness and optimism. Not to mention lose a few pounds.
image by Stuart Bradford
The article does stress however that there is a difference between being self-compassionate and being a total bag of douche or as stated in the article, "self-indulgent".
“I found in my research that the biggest reason people aren’t more self-compassionate is that they are afraid they’ll become self-indulgent,” said Dr. Neff, an associate professor of human development at the University of Texas at Austin. “They believe self-criticism is what keeps them in line. Most people have gotten it wrong because our culture says being hard on yourself is the way to be.”Dr. Neff also suggests a few practice exercises to increase your self-compassion:
"like writing yourself a letter of support, just as you might to a friend you are concerned about. Listing your best and worst traits, reminding yourself that nobody is perfect and thinking of steps you might take to help you feel better about yourself are also recommended.
Other exercises include meditation and “compassion breaks,” which involve repeating mantras like “I’m going to be kind to myself in this moment.”
If this is all starting to sound like excerpts from a self-help book well, you're very astute. Dr. Neff's book, "Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind," will come out next month. Knowing this I start to question Dr. Neff's motives (there's that cynicism again). I think it is far too easy these days to make a few bucks off of people who are just searching for help.
If you want this lowly bloggers advice I would say that another self-help book is the last thing that we need. I'm sure there are a lot of helpful tips one can acquire from this book but there is no substitute for experiencing life and completely immersing yourself in a positive environment filled with supportive people who truly have your best interests at heart. If you need advice on overcoming your negative body image (as this book claims to have) well, I would have to say that the real problem is that you are comparing yourself to people you don't know, have never actually seen, and probably never will. In all honesty, the people you see in ads with perfect bodies and Adonis genes are most likely getting a little help from Photoshop.
Don't let this be your excuse for not taking care of yourself however. If you get on the scale and know you are overweight then put forth the effort to lose a few pounds. You'll probably feel a lot better and increase your "self-compassion". Switching to Diet Coke and reduced fat Cheddar Sour Cream potato chips is not a diet by the way. If you want to get out and explore new places then you have to first get off the couch. If you want to learn a new skill then you have to make the time.
"Getting started" is the hardest part to completing any task. It's just too damn easy not to do anything.
I agree. Making changes takes time. I, for one, have started walking to work instead of driving. This has altered my general outlook. For starters, I tend to see a lot more, and listen to a lot of NPR. As for comparisons, my wife and I are having a contest to see who can lose 10 pounds first. I don't know who's winning, but that's not really the point.
ReplyDeleteThat's absolutely true. I did mention getting on the scale in the post but it isn't about how much weight you lose. It is about how healthy you feel (both emotionally and physically). Don't worry what the scale says. That's not really important. Just keep a positive outlook on things.
ReplyDeleteI went to a women's conference where a speaker explained how in our culture we tend to focus our energy on improving our weaknesses, while essentially overlooking our strengths, and how this leads to perpetual unhappiness. To be our best and happiest, we should focus on our strengths, and accept our weaknesses for what they are. Revelation! Remembering this has saved me from the self-criticism spiral.
ReplyDeletewhen i am getting a bit cynical i will brew up some coffee, grab a book of poems, and walk down to the river. when i get next to the water i stretch and take a deep breath and then just watch shit happen for about ten minutes. i have found that watching water move and birds screw around and the way that shadows change under the trees brings on a perspective that i need to feel like i am in my proper place.
ReplyDeletei feel pretty good after some coffee, poems, and birds. i feel less important and that is when i am at my best. thanks for the musings brad.